Article of the day - Timmons, others off team

The Daily Collegian reported today that Knowledge Timmons and two other players are, for now, off the football team.

Paterno 'excuses' three from team

Knowledge Timmons and two other Penn State football players have been kicked off the team, and their future with the program will likely remain unclear until the results of a Judicial Affairs hearing next Tuesday, Timmons's aunt said last night.

Team spokesmen Jeff Nelson and Guido D'Elia confirmed last night three players have been "excused from the team" but would not offer any further information.

Joe Paterno told Timmons, a sophomore defensive back, and the two unknown players in meetings yesterday afternoon they would not be a part of the team until legal matters cleared, said Timmons's aunt Joan Flowers, who has helped care for Timmons since he was about 9 years old. The two are not related, but Flowers considers Timmons family and calls her his aunt.

Timmons was suspended for Penn State's final regular season game against Michigan State and then for the Alamo Bowl in connection with an Oct. 7 fight in the HUB-Robeson Center, for which he was charged with misdemeanor disorderly conduct and defiant trespass. Also in connection with that fight, defensive tackle Chris Baker and linebacker Navorro Bowman were charged with aggravated assault, harassment and stalking, simple assault and disorderly conduct. Neither played against Michigan State or in the Alamo Bowl.

Timmons's name was also listed on the police report for the April 1 fight at the Meridian II, 646 E. College Ave.

"He's been suspended for two big games," Flowers said. "How much punishment do you have to get for this? If he don't play football, he don't get no scholarship, he don't go to school. I'm all wore out from it. I just

don't understand it, really."

Defensive coordinator Tom Bradley did not immediately return a cell phone message. Karen Feldbaum, the associate director of Judicial Affairs, would not provide specifics regarding any pending cases, which remain confidential.

The move to dismiss the players -- at least temporarily -- isn't atypical for Paterno. The 81-year-old coach similarly kicked off Austin Scott this season for undisclosed reasons, his mother, JoAnn Scott, told The Daily Collegian on Oct. 8. Then, about a week later, police charged Scott with rape. That case is awaiting trial.

Timmons met yesterday with Judicial Affairs and then had a meeting with Paterno, Flowers said. After Timmons's meeting with Paterno, he called Flowers to give an update on his status. Flowers then called Paterno, seeking clarification.

"If he's all right with his hearing -- if that comes out, I guess, to his favor -- I guess he would be put back on the team," Flowers said. "[Paterno] said he doesn't need any distractions, which I don't understand because he's still got distractions on the team. ... If he's going to suspend one he should suspend them all, not pick and choose."

Despite losing Justin King to the NFL, Timmons's departure could have little effect on the secondary. Timmons, known on the team for his feisty and sometimes hotheaded demeanor, played mostly special teams in his time at Penn State. As a redshirt freshman in 2006, Timmons played in all 13 games and had 11 tackles. He played in 10 games last season and recorded five tackles.

Timmons entered Penn State with a degree of hype -- largely because of his speed on the track -- coming out of William Penn High School in York. In addition to starring on the football field, Timmons won the state Class AAA title in the 100- and 200-meter dash.

Timmons's high school defensive backs coach said last night he believes the defensive back knows he needs to focus more on academics and football while putting the off-field issues behind him.

"He's certainly turned the corner," Dave Graybill said of how Timmons has been affected by the off-the-field incidents. "I think when he wasn't allowed to go to the bowl game in San Antonio, I think that really hit him hard, and I think that made the light go on."

But Timmons's future remains uncertain.

"It's quite painful for him and me because I hate to see him in pain," Flowers said. "He's hurt because he loves football. He's got to go to school. I want him to get a good education as well as football. But now, all that's jeopardized right now."

-- Staff writer Lauren Boyer contributed to this report.

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Article of the day

I generally try to feature an article each day from another site. Usually they're from Penn State or Big Ten blogs, sometimes from other sites. Please check out the author's Web site. I always supply the link in the introduction.

This article was posted in a comment on a LaschOut.com post yesterday.

According to a recent article by Scout network's Adam Jardy, a Jeanette businessman named Ted Sarniak was reportedly spotted having dinner with Ohio State coaches in Jeanette.

Although the article isn't new, it has everything to do with what's going on recently in the recruitment of Tyrelle "The Messiah" Pryor. Apparently this Sarniak guy is a real scumbag, and none of us should be surprised that he has dipped his nose into this one. He really fits in with the school he's working with. You'll know what I mean in a second.

DA clears businessman, police
By Richard Gazarik
TRIBUNE-REVIEW
Wednesday, December 12, 2007

The Westmoreland County District Attorney's Office has cleared a Jeannette businessman and a police officer of a bribery allegation after the officer failed to charge the man with drunken driving and refusing a blood test following an accident.
Ted Sarniak, who owns Jeannette Specialty Glass/Oceana, crashed his car into a utility pole in Jeannette on Oct. 28, 2006. Police did not arrest Sarniak, even though he smelled of alcohol and was uncooperative with police, according to District Attorney John Peck.

Peck said there is no evidence that Sarniak's subsequent donation of $4,000 to the Jeannette Police Department to purchase Taser guns was a reward for escaping arrest on a drunken-driving charge.

"You have to be lawfully arrested at the time you are asked to take a Breathalyzer or blood-alcohol draw," Peck said. "We typically don't review a decision to charge or not to charge."

The investigation began in April when Peck received a complaint that Sarniak bribed police to avoid arrest. Sarniak crashed his car into the utility pole at the corner of Lowry Avenue and Division Street following the Jeannette-Central Catholic football game.

When patrolman Justin Scalzo arrived, he "found Sarniak uncooperative, smelling of alcohol, glass in his hair and a damaged windshield," according to Peck.

Sarniak was taken to Mercy Jeannette Hospital for treatment of a head injury but refused to allow medical personnel to draw his blood to determine his alcohol level. In Pennsylvania, a reading of .08 meets the legal presumption of intoxication. Refusal to submit to a blood test or Breathalyzer carries an automatic one-year license suspension, Peck said.

After the incident, Peck said Sarniak contacted another Jeannette patrolman, Keith Rosky, and told Rosky he had only two drinks that night and was not drunk. Peck said Sarniak did not ask Rosky for any favors, but Rosky mentioned the conversation to Scalzo and asked him not to charge Sarniak with drunken driving.

Scalzo notified police Chief Jeff Stahl about the conversation. According to Peck, Stahl left the decision to Scalzo.

This year, Sarniak gave the police department $4,000 to buy the Taser guns but said that it was not a bribe.

"The investigation did not disclose any evidence that the donations were requested by the city of Jeannette Police Department or made in return for what Sarniak might perceive as favorable treatment arising from the October traffic investigation," Peck said.

To charge someone with bribery in official or political matters, Peck said, there must be a demand for money and money has to change hands.

Sarniak provided medical records that revealed he suffered a concussion when his head struck the windshield. He also suffered from post-concussion amnesia, which accounted for his behavior following the crash, Peck added.

Sarniak regularly has given gifts to city police officers, Peck said. Rosky and other officers have received Steeler football tickets from Sarniak.

"Although there was no direct link between the gift of the tickets and the intervention of Officer Rosky in the incident, one would be naive to believe that such gifts were not helpful in Mr. Sarniak receiving a willing ear from Officer Rosky," Peck said.

Sarniak did not respond to a request for comment.

This already interesting recruiting battle over Pryor could get a real kick in the ass if this thing about Sarniak blows up. Of course, it could be nothing, but we like to think there's something foul afoot.

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Article of the day

I generally try to feature an article each day from another blog. Usually they're from Penn State or Big Ten blogs, sometimes from other sites. Please check out the author's Web site. I always supply the link in the introduction.

Yet again, Stewart Mandel has blessed us with his college football wisdom. He posted his very early 2008 top 25 power rankings. I'm not going to post the whole list here, as it's way to long. So, let's just say Penn State is about where it should be ranked.

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Article of the day

I generally try to feature an article each day from another Big Ten blog. Usually they're from Penn State blogs, sometimes from other sites. Please check out the author's Web site. I always supply the link in the introduction.

Holly crap in a box, the world is officially going to hell! CollegeFootballNews.com just released its first preseason rankings for 2008. And, to the surprise of almost everyone outside of the state between Pennsylvania and Indiana, Ohio State is ranked an early No. 1. Nearly as surprising, CFN has plopped Penn State in at a hefty No. 11--yes, that's one rank outside of the top 10--how scary. Many were pegging Penn State as a darkhorse MNC contender for 2007, but looking at the current situation, there's a better chance that could happen this season. Trouble is, those darn Buckeyes are really, really good again.

1. Ohio State 2007 Record: 11-2
SEC fans will go ballistic at the notion, and America might let out a collective groan at the thought of OSU in another national title game, but with all the returning talent, this really should be 2008's best team. Remember, 2007 was supposed to be a rebuilding year and a stepping-stone to this season. Getting to the national championship was unexpected gravy. Shock of shocks, most of the stars decided to come back for one more year with DE Vernon Gholston the only early defector.

The Buckeyes don't have the speed or athleticism of the top teams, right? The NFL certainly doesn't think so with at least 11 starters, not including both kickers, who'll be drafted with five, LB James Laurinaitis, LB Marcus Freeman, CB Malcolm Jenkins, RB Beanie Wells, and OT Alex Boone, who'd be starting on day one of the 2008 NFL season.

A national punching bag after two straight blowout losses in BCS Championships, the Buckeyes will be good enough to get another shot with almost everyone of note returning on offense including QB Todd Boeckman and top receivers Brian Hartline and Brian Robiskie. The defense might lose Gholston and LB Larry Grant, but nine starters are back. PK Ryan Pretorius and P A.J. Trapasso form one of the nation's best kicking duos.

2. Georgia 2007 Record: 11-2
The expectations are off the charts after a seven-game winning streak ended 2007 and with almost all the top players coming back on both sides of the ball. The receiving corps could use an overall upgrade, and strong safety Kelin Johnson and end Marcus Howard will be missed, but that's nitpicking. The only other concern is the lack of a safety net behind Knowshon Moreno in the backfield, and Matthew Stafford has to become the NFL caliber quarterback he's expected to be, but this is a true national title contender from day one.

3. Oklahoma 2007 Record: 11-3
This is a national title-caliber team if the offensive line plays up to its talent-level. With OG Duke Robinson, OT Phil Loadholt and the rest of the starters back, this should be the nation's best front five to give QB Sam Bradford and RBs DeMarco Murray and Chris Brown time and room to work. WR Malcolm Kelly is gone, but Juaquin Iglesias was the team's best receiver over the course of 2007. Big 12 Defensive Player of the Year Curtis Lofton and CB Reggie Smith left early, and some other big voids need to be filled in the secondary, but this should still be one of the league's best defenses.

4. Florida 2007 Record: 9-4
2006 might have been Urban Meyer coaching Ron Zook's team, 2007 might have been about restocking the shelves, and now 2008 will be all about Meyer's program getting back to a national title level. Top receiver Andre Caldwell is gone, two starters have to be replaced on the offensive line, and pass rushing star Derrick Harvey and strong safety Tony Joiner have to be replaced. That's about it. The running game will be better with USC transfer Emmanuel Moody expected to rock and roll right away, while Tim Tebow and Percy Harvin might just be the two best offensive players in America.

5. USC 2007 Record: 11-2
Because of the brand name and the way the 2007 season ended, the Trojans will be in everyone's top three, if not number one. However, there are issues. The jury is still out on a receiving corps that underperformed, Mark Sanchez and/or Mitch Mustain has to prove worthy of running the show, three starters have to be replaced on the O line, and a few key parts are gone off the killer defense. Of course, this is USC, it reloads, but this isn't nearly as good a team as the one going into last year.

6. LSU 2007 Record: 12-2
Alright Les, it's all your program now. With a national title and three years at the helm, Miles has to replace several key players on his "damn good football team" along with defensive coordinator Bo Pelini. Ricky Jean-Francois needs to be the new star on the D line and Tyson Jackson has to play up to his pro potential, while defensive back seven has to replace outside linebackers Ali Highsmith and Luke Sanders along with safety Craig Steltz and corner Chevis Jackson. The offense loses WR Early Doucet, steady QB Matt Flynn, and bruising RB Jacob Hester. Even though another national title will be a lot to ask for, the attack should keep rolling with Ryan Perrilloux at quarterback behind a great line.

7. Wisconsin 2007 Record: 9-4
If everyone can stay healthy, unlike 2007, the Badgers should be special. P.J. Hill, Lance Smith and Zach Brown form one of the nation's best trio of running backs working behind a loaded line with four starters returning. Former Kansas State transfer Allan Evridge has to establish himself at quarterback right away, but getting TE Travis Beckum back will help. CB Jack Ikegwuonu took off early for the NFL, but the D is loaded, especially at linebacker. The graduation of PK Taylor Mehlhaff and P Ken DeBauche will hurt.

8. Missouri 2007 Record: 12-2
The Tigers are loaded. TE Chase Coffman returning for his senior season was a big step to give Heisman finalist Chase Daniel a star security blanket to go to. Finding a running back to replace Tony Temple will be the biggest issue, but Derrick Washington is a big-time prospect and there are enough playmakers, and enough experience on the line, to expect another strong season. DT Lorenzo Williams is gone, but nine starters are back to go along with PK Jeff Wolfert.

9. West Virginia 2007 Record: 12-2
Call this a wait-and-see ranking considering the new coaching staff and some key losses. Bill Stewart loses Steve Slaton and Darius Reynaud early to the NFL, but that would've happened if Rich Rodriguez was still around. QB Pat White and WR/RB Noel Devine will be the stars of the attack working behind a fantastic O line with all five starters returning including OT Ryan Stanchek. The defense has to make some major replacements with Keilen Dykes and Johnny Dingle gone off the line along with four starters in the five man secondary, including SS Eric Wicks and FS Ryan Mundy.

10. Texas Tech 2007 Record: 9-4
Oh ... my ... goodness. Texas Tech had the nation's No. 1 passing offense and was No. 2 in total offense ,and now everyone is back but WR Danny Amendola. WR Michael Crabtree, QB Graham Harrell, all five starting offensive linemen, along with their backups ... everyone. LB Paul Williams and CB Chris Parker, who are all replaceable, are two of the three losses off the defense. The other, SS Joe Garcia, will hurt. The team's biggest hole loss, other than Amendola and Garcia, is clutch PK Alex Trlica.

11. Penn State 2007 Record: 9-4
The receiving corps should be fantastic with Derrick Williams, Deon Butler and Jordan Norwood back, but who's going to throw him the ball? Daryll Clark will have the inside track, adding more running to the mix, but Pat Devlin will get a shot. Everyone is back on the O line and nine starters return on defense losing LB Dan Connor along with CB Justin King, who left early for the NFL.

12. Tennessee 2007 Record: 10-4
Offensive David Cutcliffe to Duke is the biggest loss with QB Erik Ainge not far behind. Jonathan Crompton and Nick Stephens will battle for the starting quarterback gig with a loaded backfield and a nasty offensive line to work with. All five starters return up front, all the receivers are back, and the secondary, even without Jonathan Hefney, should be fine. The much-maligned defensive front will be the biggest problem losing three starters on the line along with linebackers Ryan Karl and Jerod Mayo.

13. Kansas 2007 Record: 12-1
Can Kansas really be a preseason top five team? Even after a 12-1 season with an Orange Bowl victory, it still seems strange to think of KU as elite, but the team should be the real deal with QB Todd Reesing leading a loaded offense, even with the loss of OT Anthony Collins, WR Marcus Henry and RB Brandon McAnderson. DT James McClinton is done and CB Aqib Talib left early, but the other nine starters are back. Both kickers need to be replaced.

14. Auburn 2007 Record: 9-4
Will the Tony Franklin offense be ready to fly right away? Is Kody Burns ready to be the spread quarterback to jump-start the attack? The running game should be tremendous with all five starters on the O line back along with top running backs, Brad Lester, Ben Tate and Mario Fannin. The defensive line needs three new starters to go around Sen'Derrick Marks, but six of the starters are back in the back seven.

15. Texas 2007 Record: 10-3
Was the Holiday Bowl the spark for a big 2008? QB Colt McCoy leads a strong offense that should be fine even with RB Jamaal Charles and TE Jermichael Finley bolting early. The O line was a big problem, but for good or bad, all the starters return. Defense is a big issue losing tackles Frank Okam and Derek Lokey along with five starters in the back seven. New coordinator Will Muschamp should change things in a big hurry.

16. Oregon 2007 Record: 9-4
The silver lining in the loss of Dennis Dixon late in the year was the experience Justin Roper got. He'll battle with Cody Kempt for the starting job with the winner getting a fantastic receiving corps to work with, led by Jaison Williams, but RB Jonathan Stewart is gone. C Max Unger leads a tremendous offensive line, while pass rushing terror Nick Reed should grow into a superstar. The defensive tackles are gone and there are some holes to fill at linebacker, but the defense should be better.

17. Virginia Tech 2007 Record: 11-3
The defending ACC champions should be take a step back unless the defensive line and receiving corps can reload. This is a running team and anyone who gets the ball will produce behind a good line with four starters returning. Will the offense continue with the two-headed quarterback attack of Sean Glennon and Tyrod Taylor, or will Taylor take over? Taylor and his running skills might be needed with Branden Ore gone early. Along with issues on the line, the D loses corner Brandon Flowers, and most painfully, the linebacking tandem of Vince Hall and Xavier Adibi.

18. Illinois 2007 Record: 9-4
The loss of Big Ten Player of the Year Rashard Mendenhall will set the running game back a bit, but the biggest issue is up the middle on defense with DT Chris Norwell, LB J Leman and safeties Kevin Mitchell and Justin Harrison gone. The top-shelf recruiting classes under Ron Zook should kick in full force on both sides of the ball and now the expectations will be there.

19. Boston College 2007 Record: 12-2
Don't expect a major drop-off even with the loss of three offensive linemen, QB Matt Ryan and RB Andre Callender and L.V. Whitworth. Why? Defense. Eight starters are back, and while losing FS Jamie Silva and DE Nick Larkin will be felt, this should still be one of the ACC's best Ds.

20. Clemson 2007 Record: 9-4
It's all up to the offensive line that only gets back one starter, C Thomas Austin. QB Cullen Harper is an ultra-accurate passer who gets top targets Aaron Kelly and Tyler Grisham back to light up the ACC, but the real star should be RB C.J. Spiller with James Davis jetting early for the NFL. It would've been nice if DE Phillip Merling returned for his senior year, but as is, eight starters return including everyone in the secondary.

21. Michigan 2007 Record: 9-4
Expect a step back to take a big leap forward, at least offensively. There could've been one of the nation's best passing games with Ryan Mallett throwing to Mario Manningham and Adrian Arrington, but they all took off. Who's the quarterback? Georgia Tech transfer Steven Threet? He's a passer, but Rich Rodriguez will want a dual-threat playmaker meaning Terrelle Pryor, the nation's top recruit, could be coming to Ann Arbor, or Carlos Brown could step in from the running back corps. The defense takes a big hit, but DT Terrance Taylor should be a strong anchor to build around.

22. BYU 2007 Record: 11-2
Looking for your early sleeper for an at-large BCS spot? BYU gets everyone back on offense but C Sete Aulai and WR Matt Allen. QB Max Hall and the running tandem of Harvey Unga and Fui Vakapuna will have to put up plenty of points early on with three starters gone out of the secondary along with three of the four starting linebackers, but pass rushing star Jan Jorgensen is back.

23. South Carolina 2007 Record: 6-6
The SEC East might be loaded, but anything less than being in the hunt for the division title until the end will be unacceptable. The time is now for Steve Spurrier to actually do something with the program. QB Chris Smelley, WR Kenny McKinley, and RB Mike Davis form a nice nucleus, four starters return to the offensive line, and outside of the Brinkley brothers, everyone is back on defense.

24. Alabama 2007 Record: 7-6
Nick Saban's first season was supposed to be about building towards the future, and now the future has to be now. The offensive line has the potential to be the best in the SEC, while all the top running backs, and QB John Parker Wilson, return in the backfield. The receiving corps has to replace D.J. Hall and Matt Caddell, while the defense has to find replacement for end Wallace Gilberry, two linebackers and top CB Simeon Castille.

25. Wake Forest 2007 Record: 9-4
Can Jim Grobe come up with a third straight strong season? Absolutely. QB Riley Skinner and RB Josh Adams are back to ease the loss of pass-catching machine Kenneth Moore, and only two starters are gone off the line. The defense gets back star CB Alphonso Smith and the linebacking tandem of Aaron Curry and Stanley Arnoux, but the line has to replace three starters. P/PK Sam Swank is back for what seems like his 19th year in a Demon Deacon uniform.

Check out the rest of the 119 teams by clicking on the article's link at the top of this page.

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Article of the day

I generally try to feature an article each day from another Big Ten blog. Usually they're from Penn State blogs, sometimes from other sites. Please check out the author's Web site. I always supply the link in the introduction.

Today: RUTS analyses The Sporting News' pre-season top 25.

Never Too Early For Preseason Polls, Right?

Although the validity of these things is somewhere between 2010 mock fantasy football drafts and the Magic 8-Ball, Matt Hayes took the time to compile an early(!) 2008 college football preseason poll.

(Is it a poll if only one guy writes it? No? Okay, be put together a top 25.)

Anyway, Hayes slots Penn State at #11, along with this delicious one-liner: “11. Penn State: Eighteen starters return and QB Anthony Morelli doesn’t. A nice combination.”

You’ll see a lot of this over the next six months. A writer will be forced by his editor to make a preseason top 25, he’ll look at Penn State’s returning starters, and say, “Well, crap! They must be good this season!” Since I can’t allow any optimism around here, let me remind everyone of Penn State’s rather beefy road schedule:

September 27 Illinois
October 4 at Purdue
October 11 at Wisconsin
October 18 Michigan
October 25 at Ohio State
November 8 at Iowa

If Penn State is remotely within striking range of the top ten by the end of the season, it will have been a tremendously successful season.

The other Big Ten teams in Hayes’ top 25, you ask?

7. Ohio State: If the Buckeyes go to USC in Week 3 and win on the road, they’re not that far away from winning the Big Ten and getting to the national title game again.

14. Wisconsin: QB Allen Evridge steps in, Wisky rolls to another 9- or 10-win season.

19. Illinois: The loss of TB Rashard Mendenhall will be big, but coach Ron Zook’s top recruiting classes are quickly developing.

24. Michigan State: Sparty coach Mark Dantonio is changing the culture; tough defense and gritty TB Javon Ringer good for eight wins.

As you can see, we’re also setting up for another edition of “If we can’t beat Michigan this year, it’s never gonna happen”. Which is fun.

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Article of the day

As if Penn State football needed anything else to skew its image, our friends at the Washington Post (who, incidentally, stole a bunch of my stories while I worked for Leesburg Today) ran this little number online today. Let's just say, this person's a few cards short of a deck.

She's Hooked on . . . Taxidermy?
No Guts, No Gory in A Pennsylvania Studio

By Melanie D.G. Kaplan
Special to The Washington Post
Wednesday, January 9, 2008; C02

I angled the scalpel and scraped the last bits of paint off my rainbow trout's glass eye, took a step back and gasped.

"It looks so real," I said. The shiny eye made all the difference. Gary Bruch, my taxidermy sensei for the weekend in Duncannon, Pa., nodded in agreement. He was surprised that a taxidermy novice had done so well. Then again, Bruch had surprised me, too.

I had walked into his studio the day before, thinking how much I abhor blood and guts. But one of the first things he told me was how he dislikes killing things, and one of my last thoughts of the weekend was that this man -- with a koi tattooed on his forearm and fish in his freezer -- is above all an artist.

I'd been angling in Arkansas with a friend who'd recently brought home a mounted Canada goose, and he talked about his taxidermist as casually as we city folk talk about our Pilates instructors. After I snagged a foot-long, 1 1/2 -pound rainbow trout in the White River, I decided that I, too, would display my trophy.

Except my bright idea came long after that fish was filleted, buttered and cooked over the campfire.

Bruch, whom I was paying $150 for a private taxidermy class, said having eaten my fish was hardly a problem. A few weeks before I arrived, he picked out a similar-size rainbow at a hatchery, made a mold of it and cast a paint-ready fiberglass replica. I had only a weekend to spare (which also spared me any potential gore of working with a real fish), but Bruch attracts clients from as far as South Africa who spend a week or two making fish -- either a replica or skin mounts, for which they carve foam for the inside and use real skin on the outside.

I settled into the studio, where fish in various stages of creation hang from the ceiling. There were boxes of plastic fins and glass eyes, drill bits, paintbrushes and a cardboard box with "skin texture" written on the outside, filled with crumpled bridal veil and cheesecloth. Our first day was Airbrushing 101. I'd never used an airbrush before, and working my fingers to hit that sweet spot of air and paint reminded me of learning how to drive stick shift, only harder.

After lunch, I took a break and explored the area. Duncannon, 20 minutes north of Harrisburg, is a quiet river town in Perry County, known for its covered bridges and lack of traffic lights. People don't visit Duncannon for the food or the lodging; they go for the stunning outdoors and to hunt or fish. I drove to the neighboring town of Newport and into Little Buffalo State Park, where environmental educator Jeff Woleslagle drove me past the functional 1837 gristmill and talked about the 900-acre park's excellent hunting and fishing.

"We're stocked with pheasants twice a year," he said, "and the lake's stocked with rainbows. Ice fishing is real popular here." This time of year, look for panfish and trout.

Back in Duncannon, I checked out the Doyle Hotel, which I'd heard was a hippie hiker hangout. (Duncannon sits roughly halfway along the Appalachian Trail.) I didn't meet any hikers, but Vickey Kelly, one of the owners, assured me I'd know if they walked in the door of the century-old building. "They'll look exhausted and be looking for a hot shower," she said. "We get about 1,200 of them a year, from all over the world."

My motel was the Stardust, which Bruch had recommended. No hikers there, either, but unlike the Doyle, its rooms have private baths, which was worth the extra $25.

On Day 2, I arrived at Bruch's by 8 a.m. He's not a morning person, but once the coffee kicked in, he became so chatty that I knew his life story before we filled the airbrush with its first round of paint. A former chef and Marilyn Manson fan, Bruch now listens to Penn State footballand has Bible verses handwritten on his walls.

"I used to make ice sculptures, and now I sculpt fish," he said, "and make half as much." In between careers, he failed the game warden test, then ended up at taxidermy school in 1993. He started his business the following year and won a national taxidermy title in 2001.

Although Bruch enjoys teaching, he is quick to tell students that he's not the teacher. "The fish is the teacher," he said. "Everything you need to know is on the fish." Dozens of times, we pulled up the photo I'd proudly taken of my rainbow on his laptop, studying the red stripe or the pectoral fin color or the spot pattern. "I don't care if your first fish ends up looking like a deer," Bruch said. "I want you to understand color layering and tones."

I donned latex gloves and got to work airbrushing, layering yellow, gold, green, gloss, silver, gold. Every hour, the hands on his clock pointed to a different fish and chimed variations of the sound of a lure skipping across the water. And with each gluk-gluk and splish-splash, my fish looked more and more like its picture.

When it came time to add the rainbow's spots, Bruch picked up a Sharpie. "Many taxidermists use this," he said. "But that's not accurate." Instead, I spent more than an hour tediously airbrushing hundreds of spots on my fish. Then, at last, I started scraping paint off the sparkling eye.

The sun had set, and the clock was about to herald 6 p.m. with a rainbow trout gurgle. We sprayed a final coat of gloss over the fish and its rock mount, and I took my artwork out to the car.

I shifted into first -- the rainbow eyeballing me from the passenger seat -- and proudly drove my trophy home.

• Bruch's Fish Taxidermy is at 635 Dellville Rd., Duncannon, Pa. Ship your frozen fish to Bruch or make a replica. Private classes are $15 an hour, including instruction and materials. Ready-to-paint replicas are $10 per inch. Info: 717-756-8689, http://www.bruchsfish.com.

Thanks, Post. This was a really creepy feature, and now I'm sure everyone who thought Pennsylvanians were creepy, still think they're creepy. By the way, need any more of my stories? No, you probably already stole them and printed them as if you broke the story.

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Article of the day

Short and sweet is the name of the game today, after I wasted nearly three hours of my life last night, hoping Ohio State would pull themselves together and play like they should have. I wake up at five every day, and going to sleep at midnight isn't fun. Thanks a lot Buckeyes.

Today's article is brief but really funny, from Run Up The Score!

It’s 7:54 a.m. and James Laurinaitis just missed another tackle. Or was driven off the play 10 yards. Or jumped on another pile and got credit for a solo tackle.

Your choice, really.

Check out the RUTS link above to see the picture posted with the article. It took me a second (hey, I'm really tired), but once I got it, I loved it!

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